Yea, great!! I’ve been spending hours in front of my laptop writing almost nothing for my dearest Strategic Management exam. How can I have so many things in mind to talk about and at the same time feel that I know nothing about what I’m talking about? –> this doesn’t even make sense. I’m losing words.
So that’s it! Phewww… Yesterday I had my last class for this semester. That was quick!!! Bloody too fast… I don’t even realized that it’s been 3 months. I don’t think I’m able to endure another month, though. Another week would be great so that I don’t have to do the Strategic Management (SM) exam that soon!! The SWOT Vac has started… And I do prefer studying Derivatives than SM. Yea rite, who likes SM anyway… Quantitative Analysis will still have another week. I haven’t thought about it, yet. Then what should I do with these SM stuffs?!?!?! Why they don’t give a take-home exam anymore?!?!?! Why they make SM a core subject in the first place, actually?!?!?! GGRrr…
It’s been a lovely week in autumn. Few sunny days have certainly changed the mood for the week. Yea, it has been longgg..cloudy days since I don’t remember when. May be those are "nothing special" days that I wasn’t able to keep from flying. Or may be it was me that’s just too busy to notice what’s happening out there. Well, may be this one is fair enough… the whole school and work things (meaning those late nights and early days in cold) have made me running in my own time and consider those days as ordinary days that I don’t really wanna (or am able to) remember. So many things have happened since school started. While I’m tempted to count the figures in terms of how many assignments I’ve submitted and how many assignments to go, how many cups of coffee I have in a day and how strong it’s become, how many weeks (I should have started using "days" instead of "weeks" here) left ’till the final exam, etc. the world outside is running on, at least, another "time zone".
My bros got promoted. I’ve heard my friends (I meant A LOT of them!!!) are getting married soon. And those who have been married are having a baby. Some already delivered their babies. Some of my friends already got a job -am so happy for them. My k was having his birthday this week. We also celebrated the 25th and the 1st birthday of our friends in church yesterday and today. I heard that my ex-boss’ mom had passed away a few days ago. And today, my bestfriend sent me an sms telling that her relative had passed away too and that’s why she couldn’t go to her friend’s wed. In the meantime…I still have 2 more assignments to go and exam in less than 3 weeks. And I start to worry about getting a well-paying job that challenges me to develop myself more. And we start to make friends, three of us in the foodcourt, me and the other two girls from Holland and China. Never thought that working in a foodcourt could be this fun cross-cultural time!!
But you know what? When you pause yourself from running for a while…you must sense that autumn is not that dull and bleak as you thought. When summer was about to over, I was thinking why we should have winter. "I don’t wanna have winter, I wanna be in summer forever, or at least until I’m sick and tired of it," I said to myself. Wouldn’t it be lovely if we have summer a whole year long? Bright and sunny days, cheerful people in colourful clothes, late sunsets, people staying out late, etc. etc. But then I thought again… if we only had summer, it wouldn’t be special anymore -summer is everywhere. Everything has to be in balance for us to treasure each bit of it. You won’t have summer unless you have winter. Autumn and spring have their own stories. I was walking towards uni yesterday afternoon when I realised that I was smiling in relief. I was smiling simply because I saw how beautiful it was when the yellowish leaves fell down from the branches, blown by the wind. It was really amazing. Words and pictures won’t be able to capture it and re-tell the story. You have to be there and sneak yourself out of your own time shell to appreciate it. And again, autumn is not for you to keep forever. Those things must boil down to one fact…Everything is not meant to be forever, no matter how much we try to deny it by not thinking about it or by planning/aiming for great things in the future.
Feel so tired today, been out since 11am. Been very lazy since Friday night. Blame the weather!! ha ha ha… Been cold… and cloudy… and windy… and rainy everyday. And I’m craving for food and something sweet everyday, besides coffee of course. Yea, yea, I’m starting to put on some weight. Thanks to all the assignments…and there are still 3 more to go!!! Congratulations!!!
Somehow I didn’t realize that tomorrow is already Monday. When I was walking with Cindy at the Melbourne Central this afternoon, I was thinking that tomorrow was Sunday which meant that I’d still have a day to start working, seriously, on my Strategic Management assignment. Too bad, I was wrong!!
Hey… 7 is playing the X-Men. What’s wrong with these TV channels lately? They’ve been playing good movies on weekends. Well, not really good actually. It’s just that they were the ones I watched with my bro in Jakarta. Yea, I miss those days… when me and my bro and sis went to the movie together. And it was almost everytime after I’d finished a job interview. We watched good movies, we watched crap movies too…but it’s okay as I had not much to do on anyway.
Oya, remember what I said last week? I got another chance to chat with my k yesterday. It was very short. But as I didn’t expect it at all, it once more took me by surprise. May be it’s true what people say…that things come when you least expect them. His cousin was getting married yesterday. Must be fun…when all families and friends are gathering.
I read the horoscope on Friendster today. Do you know that sometimes what’s there really gets you connected? Today it says:
Let things take their course. There’s nothing you can do to push them a certain way.
Sometimes, no matter how hard to push or wish, things are not going
to go the way you want. Although you won’t have your hopes dashed, a
bracing dose of reality will remind you that there are many things
beyond your control. Most importantly, do not take this as a sign that
you are losing power. Rather, take it as a fact that life would be
pretty boring if you always got what you wanted. Seek out the company
of people who understand this.
Am sleepy now. Still need to write something for my assignment, though… When I got my first Strategic Management assignment back last Thursday, I was so…overwhelmed (thanks to my sis and my friend!!) that I promised myself to put more efforts on the second assignment. May be what I got was nothing to some people. But to me, it was amazing, it was superb, it was beyond what I had thought of. Cindy said that they gave easy marks. Yea, I thought so too… Yet still, I was honestly thinking that 74 was the max I could get. Now how come I’m so lazy of doing it?
Just in case later I change my mind, please remind me that I am feeling a bit (not really much, I suppose) better today. Yea, I feel that I can do something important, or at least, needed. I dunno where I have left my confidence, I haven’t seen any lately. And it affects the whole thing, whether or not I realize it nor have any control of it. Somehow I think that I am older now that I’ve lost most of my energy. I know…I am not that old… but I dunno why I can’t stand a school day without a cup of coffee these days. I must have left my ambitions too somewhere on my way here. Or…I may have compromised myself too generously. Or… I have probably overdone the correction.
I am happy that I got a chance to chat with my k yesterday, have never done it before and had never thought he would remember or really meant what he said few days ago about this chatting-over-the-weekend thing. Yea, I know…that could be the first and the last one. And he’s still him. Including being silly in front of his cousin’s computer… =) But sometimes you need some nice little things to make a difference in your days, rite?
I am happy that I have done some parts of our group assignment.
I am happy that we had so much fun cooking for the church’s cafe this evening. Yea, a bit of cooking effort and much of the talks. Plus hands with a fishy smell. And a working experience from Antoinnette’s cafe. He he…yea rite…
And I am happy now as I am really enjoying the classical+jazzy CD that I bought yesterday!!
This time (Thursday) last week…I was unusually missing my sis (I only told a friend of mine here about this). I asked myself why that night. Then I think it’s partly because I was simply being mellow. Some parts were because I’d just submitted the Strategic Management assignment -if it wasn’t because of her and my friend who had accompanied me while I was working on that bloody assignment in the last minutes, I must have panicked even more. And another part, it’s because I, again, realised that I had been away from her for years. Until now, much of the talk has been through phonecalls or emails or sms.
She started working in Jakarta when I was still in high school and uni. Then when I finished my undergrad, I thought we’d be working in Jakarta together. So it should be fun. It WAS fun during my first months in Jakarta as she was still there and we went out almost every day. Yet later I found myself alone there as my sis went to Melb for her masters. So I thought we’re gonna be together again in 2 years, that would be when she finished studying and came back for good. Yet the future has unfolded another story. I was scheduled to be here in less than a month after she touched down Indo.
That was then…
Today…I am terribly sorry for her, and also for Widya and Pai. The kost where they stay was destroyed by fire last night. Nothing left. I’ve been asking God why since last night. Call me selfish, call me cold-hearted as I’m not able to cry for the suffering of others when I don’t know the persons. I know there are people out there who suffer even more, but I don’t know them personally. My feeling for those people only as far as a sympathy. Nothing more. But whom I’m talking about here are my one and only sis and my bestfriend (whom, to you, are people you don’t know personally either). Suddenly the whole thoughts about suffering become totally different. It becomes unfair when the bad things happen to my dearest ones. They are people I know close enough that bad things should not happen to them. I’ve been asking God for forgiveness as I am more into asking Him why He has allowed this to touch their lives, than thanking Him for He has not let the fire to touch their bodies. I know He must have a reason for this. I do believe in that. But I cannot imagine them having to loose most of their valuable belongings in minutes or hours. I would be devastated if I were them -suddenly I didn’t have clothes to change, softlenses to keep my vision clear, things I intended to keep as souvenirs, etc. etc. There are things you can buy as long as you have some money in your pocket, but there are also many things you cannot and they’re gone when they are. This is just beyond my understanding.
And this afternoon, my sis sent me an sms asking what my minus was. She said that she’s buying softlenses (because hers were gone) and got a free pack of colour softlenses, and she’s gonna give them to me. When I read her sms I instantly said to myself, "What on earth is she talking about? Last night she lost most of her belongings and now she’s talking about colour softlenses like she’s in a frenzy of a shopping spree? And now she’s talking about giving something to me as if she had never lost anything?" I know it’s a free package anyway, but still… This is just too much to understand.
I am sooooo… glad that it finally comes… The Easter break!!! What else?!?!
I’ve been waiting for this break for sooooo… long. I’ve only started this semester for 1.5 months, though. Well, it’s not actually a break, it won’t be. A week of not having any class at all that is. Dunno what’s wrong with this semester, am so tired, so absorbed.
I was looking at the Technical Analysis draft to see which part(s) needed editting. And I am being very lazy… Must be because of that bloody Strategic Management assignment, mostly. And a tiny part of it is because I’m getting older, hahahahahahaha… Yep, yep… I used to have only 1.5-3 hours sleep during exam period when I was still in high school and when I was an undergrad. And it was okay. I survived and still could do much the day after. But not on these days… I had a 3-hour sleep and I felt the floor was a bit shaky on the next day. When I "finished" the Strategic Management assignment and submitted yesterday…I was so relieved because it’s over and because I found that I could sleep only for couple hours when I had to and still energised afterwards. Okay… my hands were a bit trembling yesterday, but that didn’t bother me so much. That’s why I went to the city that evening. Yet I realized that the energy that I had felt was only short euphoria as when I was heading towards Safeway, I felt like I was flying. Hmmm… Anyway…
Was raining today. Got up at 8.30 am…Quite early, isn’t it? Considering that today’s is a holiday. Did nothing much as I felt so tired. Had a nice evening, though… Phina threw a surprise birthday "party" for her boyfriend. It was a very nice of her, don’t you think so? Well, David is also a nice guy, I reckon.
It was raining when I walked out of my place. And it’s raining, again…, when we parted. Yet, I was enjoying the walk (a bit messy, though ;p), the fresh air…and a fresher mind as well. At least I was trying to give myself a short break today. I liked the fresh cold air that I breathed this evening…and I liked it when I looked up to the sky and saw the moon among the clouds. That was something that’s impossible to have in Indo. And something that you don’t have everyday…
h i d i n g p l a c e s
under a warm shower
among seven pillows
with a cup of latte or cappucino
b a n a n a + v e g e m i t e
i have never been a fan of bananas. my mom said that bananas help to reduce stress. i don’t really believe it. yet i know 3 guys who like eating bananas and they are an easygoing kind of person. well, at least they more than often appear happy, relaxed, and calm enough to me. and monkeys are always in a jolly mood, bouncing from a tree to another, rite? =)
i reckoned vegemite is yuck!! i tried once in the first month I was here. people said that vegemite is really an aussie stuff. then clare (we happened to be in the same group in the tour to tasmania) taught us how to eat vegemite properly: toast the bread with margarine first, then spread a bit of vegemite afterwards. she said that people didn’t like vegemite because they didn’t know how to eat it, "they spread it like jam.". christy, the barista in the place where I work, also said the same thing like clare did. but then christy added that vegemite was good, it’s a source of vitamin b which made you stressfree. "stressfree" is the key, the powerful word to me.
what’s happening between banana and vegemite? i like them now simply because i buy into the "stress relief" thing. yes, and apparently…stress has nothing to do with food, it’s on your mind and it’s in your heart. btw, am i now being an aussie because i like vegemite? ha ha…you wish…
d o u b l e u p y o u r t i r e d n e s s
i’ve been wondering lately, which one is more tiring…"to hate" someone or "to be hated" by someone. i haven’t found the answer yet. but i know the level of tiredness is at least doubled when you are hating yourself.
Thank you for those who prayed for me re that exam. Yea, I did ask few friends to pray for me. I know my mom and my sis must have done that without being asked.
How did it go? Hmmm… It didn’t went well. I think it turned out the way that I’d been afraid of. You know that kind of feeling? When you are not sure about a thing from the very beginning and somehow you feel it’s not going right and won’t be? And as you’re getting more absorbed by your doubt, you’re losing your energy, your self-determination, your hope, your everything? Well, hope you understand what I’m talking about as I’ve been losing my words since last night, when I was thinking to write some.
Could have been better, for sure. It’s an open-book exam. And the questions were not that "killing" kind. They, in fact, are more generous this time as within 2 hours, we were given 15 multiple choice questions and 3 multi-parts essay questions. Last year, there were 5 multi-parts essay questions within the same duration. I can’t imagine how I would have ended up if that had been the case this semester. Some students left earlier, more than half an hour earlier, I guess…I didn’t really notice them until my friends told me that after the exam finished. I asked one of the "early leavers" whether they did leave earlier, and he said, "Yes, it was easy." O MI GOD… ck ck ck…
Then what happened with me yesterday? I dunno what I was thinking. I didn’t really panic. But I didn’t really know what I was doing either. It’s like I knew that I was wrong, or I knew that I was doing it wrongly, but I had no energy to stop it from happening. It really was a stupid thing. In the last minutes, I still got about 3-4 multiple choice questions left. And you know what did I do? I answered them seriously blindly. I said "seriously blindly" because… I was supposed to circle any A, B, C, or D following my first instinct, rite? That’s the most sensible thing to do in your last minutes. But you know what I did? Suppose I felt that the answer is most likely the "C", I circled the "A" for I dunno why. And for some of those last-minute questions, I didn’t even remember what my answers were. AYNA!!! What are you doing?!?!
Now you know why I kept asking myself why, no matter how often I’ve been telling myself that I can do nothing to change that. Yea, like I said to my friend in sms…I kept telling myself that nothing I could do to change that, it’s only a small tiny dot in my life that I wouldn’t even remember say, in 5 years or 2 years, etc. etc. And he said, "Udah ga usah dipikirin, mendink mikir buat ke depannya seh.", "Tats life, at least u tried ur best. Dun worry next time will be better." He he…that’s the thing, my friend, I didn’t give my best shot for I dunno why (I think I’ve spent too much energy on something that I should have ignored since the start of the semester); and there won’t be any next time for this subject, unless I fail it, which I don’t expect. Well…To me, it’s always not a matter of results. Any results will do as long as I know I’ve done the best I could.
Anyway…that’s that…
You know what happened at the foodcourt where I work this morning? I guess being scolded was the last thing I needed after what I’d been through yesterday. Yup, Antoinette, out of the blue, told us (there were 2 of us, me and a new girl) that today would be the last time. "If you don’t do the fridge properly today, then both of you will go at 1.30 and I’ll do the fridge by myself." She said that yesterday she had found that the drinks had been lined up in a mess. Hellowww?!?! I don’t work on Friday and I wasn’t there either yesterday…I was having another battle at the other part of Melbourne at that time, which apparently not the battle against the softdrink bottles collapsing everytime I try to rearrange. Later, I found that the drinks were really messy. No wonder Antoinette was really pissed off. So who is the bloody person did the drinks on Friday and Monday???
I do wish I could escape myself from the exam this time. I’ve been looking around for days, hoping for someone who can release me from this subject’s exam. It’s availed me nothing. Noone can "rescue" me. Noone could possibly accompany me. It’s only me and Him. Have I put enough work on it?
