A Getaway

Hello…hello…

Me in Bandung already… And I miss Melbourne, a lot. There’s no blue sky here. Every day is cloudy and uncomfortably humid. I think I’m losing my English, soon enough!! Every voice I hear and every sign/billboard are in Indonesian. I’ve just realised that people here really speak in Sundanese accent! Whoaaaaaa… I don’t wanna be here.

Happenings to date:
- saw a lizard in the bathroom on my first day in Bandung and I was quite shocked.

- met an ugly cockcroach and I screamed calling my mom, he he.

- have been eating any kind of food since my first day in Indo to prove that my stomach is so "bandel". Nothing happened.

- doing girls’ stuffs with two of my bestfriends, Widya and Joyce. I talked or chatted with them through emails a lot when I was in Melbourne, but I extremely had a great time with them. You won’t know how much you miss a person until you meet him/her.

- attended the Christmas candle light service at my church and met loads of old faces. They still look the same as 2 or 2.5 years ago. The only difference is their story. So many things happened, new couple, newly wed couple, new babies, new job, etc. etc. I was quite surprised to see my ex singing solo at the end of the service. That’s something I didn’t expect. He’s gained some weights too!! =) But his voice is still amazing. I cannot say whether it’s even better than few years ago or I simply had forgotten everything in Bandung the way I forgot the streets here and how they’re connected to each other.

- one of my bestfriends is getting married next September. I haven’t even met her boyfriend!! Ho ho. They got together few days before our last dinner in Dec 2004 and now they’re preparing for their wedding. Congrats, Mil!! I’m so happy for you =)

- driving here after 2 years of absence was such an experience. It’s scarry considering the "angkot" and motorbike. It’s COOL that I still remember how to drive.

- I was looking for my pics in Korea when I found his pics on the top pile of my photo albums. Back in 2000, we made a promise that we’d always be bestfriends whatever happened next, with whom we’d end up with, etc. etc. Well, I don’t remember exactly whether its our agreement or he’s trying to "politely" answer my question. Anyway… I missed the old days. So I tried to call his homephone number relying on my best guess since I didn’t remember where I kept his number. I didn’t even know whether he’s already here or still somewhere in Europe. Glad that my memory’s still working!! And so was his. He remembers my number too. Sort of. We talked on the phone. He’s getting married next year. Looking forward to meet him and his girlfriend. It’s been 4.5 years since the last time I met him. It was on my "sidang" day and he happened to be in Indo that he came to Unpar to watch my "sidang". Hmmm…

Ok, gotta do something else. Merry Christmas to you all, btw…

It’s always like this. The last day of working…the last day before leaving Jakarta…the last hours before due date or exam, etc. etc. Never have enough time, but still got lots of things to complete. As a result, we have to be happy with the work that is "less" than what it’s been expected or imagined or planned before. Hmm, actually…we will never know whether it’s "less" or even "more". But that’s how things normally work. With me, I mean. "KepepetISME" usually helps me a lot to avoid being too mellow in dealing with the "last" thingy. When you’re in "kepepet" mode, you don’t have time to FEEL as all you need is just to THINK and get things done. At least it keeps you insane =)

Leaving Melbourne tomorrow. Soon enough. It’s gonna be weird to see Indo again after some time…ermm…almost 2 years. And it’s gonna be even more bizzare to be not in Melbourne, not seeing what I used to see, hearing what I used to hear, or even missing the tram. Oopsss…

Anyway…I’m so tired now. 3.12am already.

In summary (IELTS style!!)… I’ve learned a lot in Melbourne, much more than what I got from the course. Perhaps I should say…I’ve learned about IMPERFECTIONS.

Okkie dokkie… Bye bye, Melbourne!! Be good!! Hahaha…

31 more hours before departure and I still got heaps of things to do. And some friends that I won’t have a chance to meet before leaving.

4.10am now. Haven’t finished packing. So tired.

Three more days? THREE?!?! Serious?! 

I’ve been gradually stacking my stuffs in my luggage in the
past few days. Tomorrow is my graduation day and I still cannot decide which
frock I should wear for the BIG day. Well, it may not be that BIG, actually… as
I even didn’t realize that tomorrow is the day until my mom said something
about “graduation” and “Tuesday” and “tomorrow”, and suddenly my brain started
to see some connections between those words. Silly… =) 

I started to get panic when I weighed my luggage last night.
I’m definitely gonna have to pay for the excess baggage if I don’t do
something. So the first thing I said to my mom and sis this morning was that
we’re gonna need to deliver some of my stuffs home. Again. After the massive
delivery early this month. And this time, I will have to pay more than two
times the rate I got before. Damn!! I should have packed some more, added one
or two more boxes, and everything’s cool! Why didn’t I do that? At least I
could have swapped the cost for something more useful. 

On our way to get some boxes at the Barkly Square, we met Wayne, the
caretaker. So we did the basa-basi thing. He was asking about when exactly
we’re leaving when he suddenly came up with a number. And it was “THREE” the
number he got. I was shocked and looked at my sis while redoing the math. What
I had in mind at that time was that THREE sounded incorrect. “I guess the
answer should have been FOUR,” I said to myself. But I was wrong. He was right.

I was sitting on the floor with loads and loads of stuffs
around me and my sis was talking to my dad on the phone. I heard my sis repeating
the words “THREE”. And I wasn’t sure with what I heard for the second time
today. 

Yea, yea…I finally agree with them…I don’t have any other
number.

I checked my mail just now and unexpectedly finding a mail
from k. He wrote about the same thing, the same number. I replied his mail few days ago and
I said that I got 9 more days here. I’m apparently not the only one who’s counting down. He subtracted the figure
correctly ;p But the number sounds better in
his mail. Much better. And I don’t understand why he’s still
capable of doing the magic.

Whoaaaaa… It’s so tiring… Ermm, no…it’s annoying. Now I know how it feels to be on the other side. I reckon k should
seriously consider starting to write a how-to book.

I know for sure that I’m being so mellow these
days…and that’s because I’m leaving Melb for good. But why, why guys can be
pathetically mellow too ya? Aren’t guys supposed to be “stronger” and more
logical? It must be just an old saying. I don’t think men are “stronger” than
women. Look around and have a quick test…how long does a guy need to bounce
back from a broken relationship and get a new one? The average must be shorter
than that of a woman. Okay…everyone can reason that it’s because men are more
logical. They realize that things are over, so let’s move on. Fair enough. But
can you tell the different between doing a sensible thing and being unable to
cope with the loneliness? Or put it simple, cannot live without a woman? Then
who’s the stronger now, the one who immediately looks for a replacement… or the
one who knows that things are over and it hurts but the person also know that s/he gotta bear living alone
until s/he find the “one”?

Heyyy…I was trying to write something here!! And a stupid
movement of my finger suddenly took me to the weather forecast site. I lost all
words I’ve written. Damn!!

I don’t feel like repeating what I’ve written so far. It’s bloody annoying!

I got the results of my last semester this morning. And my degree. Now I got a
complete picture of my 4-semester studying (not yet the 2-year learning) here. Well,
actually… I haven’t got my degree conferred yet, not until Dec 19. But for now,
at least I can be sure that I’m attending the graduation ceremony. And the
puzzle I’ve just completed…it’s only on the study part. I’ll need to be able to
summarize the full story in 2 WEEKS’ time when returning home. WHOAKKK!!!

I made a guess of my marks last night. And four out of five
subjects I took last semester were as expected. I only missed one –the Financial
Engineering—which was fortunately one grade higher than I’d expected. The thing
is that I’d prepared myself for bad results this semester. And this time I was
right. 

The results didn’t really surprise me the way the first
semester of 2005 and 2006 (thank God, I managed to get this one revised a month
after) did. But the fact that my worse, if not the worst, case scenario was
true did.

The fact that I’ve been able to differentiate which subjects
I like and which ones I don’t by comparing the marks did. In terms of marks, I
used to see myself as an “extremist”. I could only get either the best or the
worst. I couldn’t do something in between. It’s just not me.

The fact that I’ve proven my theory did. I’ve told my mom,
my sis, and my friends, “I guess I do things best when I’m under pressures.” I
worked part time during my second semester 2005 and first semester 2006. I
chose not to work last semester since the timetable was quite intensive in the
first couple months. I chose to quit working especially because I wanna be a
full-time student, for once and may be for the last time in my life. I wanted
to “enjoy” the hours I spent in the Bailieu library. Huehe…yaikkksss!! (but it’s
somewhat true, here I learn to like studying at the library) I wanted to enjoy
my last months here, going out whenever and wherever I wanted to, without being
bounded by the roster. And you know what I got? Looking at my marks from the
first to the last semester…it does have a bell-shaped distribution (didn’t
check whether it has a skewness of zero and kurtosis of three, tho). I got the
best marks when I was being a quarter-time student, a quarter-time waitress, a
quarter-time “mom” for myself, and a quarter-time TOURIST!!! And I got more
colorful results when I chose to “convert” my visa into a studying-holiday one.
The average for this last semester was even the worst compared to the first
three.

This is what I’ve been afraid of. Regrets. I know that I
didn’t put much effort this semester. But it should have been okay if I had given
my best shot when sitting for the exams. And that IS more annoying, even more
annoying than the errors in Friendster and than my laptop which screwed my
writing just now :p

When you did badly during early semester(s), you can always
tell yourself to try again next time, which was also what k told me the moment
I got my first semester 2005 results. At that time, my bro also told me that
the sky wasn’t falling even when I didn’t get the best. That’s true…very true
that I’m still able to see the beauty and the banality of the Melbourne skies three semesters afterwards. But
since this is my last semester… there’s no next time. The averaging process is
terminated and it’s final. Everyone used to say, “You’ll be fine.” Or “You’ll
get a good mark.” And I really hate when people say, “Ahhh…Ayna gitu lho…ga
bisanya or jeleknya loe tuh bagusnya gue.” I know I’ve been talking about marks
and grades as if it were the single most important thing. But what actually
matters a lot to me is whether I’ve done the best I could. And there’s no way
other people know how much effort I’ve put. You know yourselves, don’t you? So
you’re the one who can tell the truth and being honest to yourselves. And
surely there is a difference between not being able to do something well and
choosing not to do something well.

Anyway… I’m grateful (well, have to) that it’s all over. I
was consciously thinking of doing something ordinary when I came here. I’ve
learned a lot about imperfection in many different things. And I got a fuller
life instead.
Okay…gotta do some cleaning and laundry. My mom and sis are
coming tomorrow!!! Gee…it’s the day I’ve been waiting for since the first day I
touched down Melbourne.
I was more excited about it when I was in the exam period last month. Now…as it
is really coming, I so wanna put it on hold because I know, the moment they’re
here…my days in Melbourne immediately drop below fortnight.Write some more later.