A Getaway

My mom already booked the ticket for her and my sis. A return one. Meaninggg…it has a fixed, certain date on it. Meaninggg… I can start to count down my stay here in terms of DAYS. I don’t have to use the rough figure in terms of MONTHS anymore, the good thing is. Hiks… I don’t wanna think about it. That’s what I’ve been telling myself to. It’s not that I don’t wanna go back, it’s just that I’m scared of the idea of having to go back for good. Everything must have change in 2 years. And many things, I believe, won’t be as good as the way I can think of while I’m still here. Sometimes, well…often enough, things look good because it’s far enough from us to see, to feel, to acquire, to have… And I guess, by being here, I’m running away from stuffs and I’m justified to do that because I’m studying. There’s nothing bad with studying, rite?

I was surprised, but not shocked, to hear what I heard about this guy today. I cannot believe he can be such a jerk. Well, I do believe that many guys, if not almost all, are like that in many different ways. And I also do believe that too many women are buying into such crap. But, is he trying to be a womanizer? If that’s the case, from a scale of 0 to 10, he’s only got 1. Sure he needs to learn hard from "the guru" =) Sometimes I wonder ya, is there a guy out there who’s smart and fun enough to make a woman laugh but sincere enough to not make her weep? And sometimes I’m amazed to find that some couples do contact each other every second minute or so. May be I forget about how people should pacaran. But do you still have things to say every second minute? And is there a guy who bears to do that? If there is, then my next question will be…for how long he can stand doing that? Am I being cynical here, or am I just being independent? Moreover…about a woman being independent… I haven’t come into conclusion how guys think about a woman who’s independent. Some guys said that they feel they’re not useful when a woman, his woman, being too independent. Some guys prefer his woman to be independent, at least not clingy, as it makes more sense in this fast-moving hectic world. And some guys even give more score to independent women, implicitly noting than women in power are more attractive.

Talking about buying into guys’ talks…Well, I might have just done that. And to me, I can’t think of many names who are able to do that at the moment. May be it’s more a gift than a skill that to be a womanizer. I mean, I know many guys, if not all, are able to say nice things, sweet lovely stuffs to gals. But how many are there who are able to utter it also in a sophisticated way? Btw, are there "manizers" too? Or we just don’t name them like that?

I’ve been always wondering whether coffee, or caffeine in general, can really generate extra energy in our body. Or is what coffee does simply extracting in advance the energy that hasn’t actually been produced in our body? Which is…in other words…"short-selling" our future energy? I guess that must be somewhat true. When things get crazier and the caffeine in my blood is inevitably brought to a higher level, I always feel extremely tired and powerless when I get up in the morning (as if it were still a morning, he he), no matter how long I’ve been sleeping. So what if I’ve already used up the energy from next week’s, or next month’s, production schedule? How can I increase the production capacity?

when?
When do people actually start looking for a job ya? A year before the graduation day? During their last semester? After graduating from uni? Well, big companies here do save their presence from extinction by hiring STUDENTS, despite that these STUDENTS still have one more year to go before officially being "free". That way, they’re securing whom they currently see as potential great leaders. That’s completely making sense, I guess…because if they reckon that these STUDENTS are so damn…great, they won’t (and shouldn’t) fail their last 8 (at least) subjects, rite?  Whereas in Indo, I know that some big companies simply do not have any policy re processing applications while the applicants are still somewhere outside Indo, not to mention if they are still studying. Okay… life’s hard… full of competition… first comes, first served… and some people are just very lucky (if I may say so) that they seem to get so many great things with minimum efforts.

first vs. second
Do you believe in love at first sight? Do you believe that there’s a second chance? My answer is yes, and yes. But if the first is true, which I have no doubt about, shouldn’t it eliminate the latter? Ermmm…may be not. I’m more than grateful to have been given that second chance for many times. Two times that I clearly remember. I thought Aug 2004 would be the last time I used my swipe card at the office. Yet I had a second chance to "finish" the unfinished when I was back to work in the last 2 months before I got here. I thought I’d already missed the chance to experience the school life abroad (as in the movie!! :p) and do things differently when I was turning 21 and graduated from uni. Yet I’m here, despite that I’m still complaining about assignments and exams and uneasiness even in weekends. Last month I was kinda trying my "luck". I was asking God and myself whether I would have a second chance to stay here for another year. And the answer is "No", well, at least for the near term. Hundreds of theories to explain that, but perhaps the most valid one is that I simply cannot stay here if my purpose is to avoid or delay the eventuality. It would be a justification for running away from reality if I were to have that chance.

guys’ thoughts
I officially received the rejecting letter last week. It wasn’t a surprise for me as I’d already knew it. It’s just that it’s not official yet when it’s not official. You know what I mean? (–>to be pronounced the way Oz girls talking, he he). My sis and k were, as usual,  on the list of the first to know. k said, "Silly man (as if I were a bloke, ughhh). You can always live anywhere you want." Yup, may be that’s they way I should think. Decide first where I wanna live, then start to worry about what kind of job I can get there, whom I’m gonna marry there, etc. etc. You think so? Also last week, one of my bule friend asked me whether I’d already heard something from the company he knew I was applying to. So I said, "Erm yea, I finally got the letter." And he lightly responded in a split second, "O I got lots of them too (yea, yea, it’s easy for him to say that then as he’s already got a well-paying job). May be we should make a collection of those letters." It came to my surprise to hear him saying that, though. He indeed got those letters, I suppose, more than a few. Then I was thinking, how can an HR person/team or a future boss tell the different between an applicant who’s being genuinely good and those who are being used to tests and interviews and assessment centres as they’ve done it so… many times (so that they know what kind of assessment to expect) and end up with a rejecting letter? Does it mean that we have to get couple, if not lots, of those letters first before we’re eligible to be part of a company?

skipping reading
I chatted with k yesterday. I didn’t expect him to pick up the phone. I was just avoiding reading what I have to read, and so I did something, which was talking to someone. The minute I heard his voice, I called him loudly, hehehe… It really felt like home. His voice always feels like home to me that I sometimes wonder whether he’s wearing a daster like my mom at home. Wouldn’t it be funny?!?! Hahaha…can’t imagine. But that’s what I told him!! =) Yea, I miss him, my family, and my friends. To be precise, may be the one that I actually miss is the sense of security and comfort when being surrounded by people I know. We ended up talking about nothing, laughing at stupid things. But I like it, that’s not the normal type of conversation we would have with people we’ve just met, rite? We even cannot act (we tend not to be) silly in front of people that we only meet every now and then, can we? Yeah, that’s k =)