Post-Exam Post
Oh well, where shud I start? Been
quite a while I didn’t write a "proper" post, despite the whining and
moaning rituals about assignments and exams. The gud news is…I’ve already
finished all my exams last Friday (not yesterday’s Friday). Bunch of thanks to all that have prayed for
me during my exam! I finished a week earlier than many others, a week earlier
than the end of the "official" exam period. Yay!!! Like I said
before, this semester’s exam schedule was pretty gud to me. Meaning… I
can start writing about anything I wanna say without anymore considering the
word limit (yea, I’ve always found it quite annoying), the structure of my
"essay", and whether my writing’s making any sense or not the way I
was bothered with throughout the last semester. I don’t have to have the
introduction-body- conclusion thing here like I had in my IELTS tests and the
Strategic Management exam. I don’t have to worry about how people understand
what I’m saying. I just write on…simply write… How nice… =)
Now is the bad news…I’ll be having another class starting in about 2 weeks.
WHAT?!?! Yepp, yepp, there’ll be 3 full-day classes on Saturdays and Sunday.
And then…I’m having the final exam on the next Saturday after the last class
which, "accidentally", will be the last Saturday before Semester 2
begins! Whoalla!! So basically I dunno what I’m going to do with the 3 weeks available
between last Friday and the first day of the winter semester. I am relieved
that the exams are all over. I know that my results this time will be
not-too-bad-but-not-that-good either. But I don’t really care about it - let’s
see what I’m gonna say on July 7 =p It’s over anyway, nothing I can do to
change that. But I do have something else in mind. And that has made me unable
to have a nice revenge-sleep for nights. I did wake up in the middle of my
sleeps or early, really early, in the morning, in addition to the hard time I
had to get myself asleep beforehand. Hey, relax…I’m not in huge debt. It’s
not because of a guy or the guy either - sorry to disappoint you guys, haven’t got any good news in that department =) Nor it
is because of the clothes and bags and shoes and everything that are on sale
right now (^^)
It is because I start to think about what kind of job I’m having after this
whole holiday-and-studying things. Where shud I apply to? Well, I know where I
wanna apply to…but will I get job that I want? Will I get the job that I like
the way I was enthusiastic about my old job in the last few months before I
left? And the scariest thing that have been keeping me awake is that my resume
will sink below the other applicants’ before I even have a chance to do the
test or interviews - that will be the most unfair thing I can think of at this
stage. You know those kinds of "what if" things that come one after
the other, rite? And that makes me feel that now is not really a holiday for
me.
Am I being worried too much? This week I met some of my friends who have
just had their last semester here. They haven’t applied for any job yet and
they haven’t even thought much about it. I realize that some people are gifted
with the luxury of not having to think about job-hunting thing after their
graduation. That’s their business, I have nothing to do with that. Yet it is the luxury of being able to feel
satisfied and enjoying the doing-nothing-while-slowly-looking-for-a-job period
that I’m envy of those people. I can’t stand the thought of having nothing to
do. I just can’t. Especially when I really want the job like I feel right now.
I’ve been conditioned to be afraid of wanting something since I started working
- that was like…4 years ago or so. Afraid of not getting what I want to achieve.
Before, I used to believe that I can get anything, I can be anyone, if I want
it hard enough. I remember my dad used to say to me that I wanted to do so many
things at the same time that I became so busy, too… busy. And I more than
often tried to explain to him that those wants that would make a difference,
those wants that would translate into a success (at least success in achieving
what I wanna achieve, regardless people call it a success or not). Yet I’ve
been afraid to want something, to hope for something since I start to learn
through various occassion that wants are simply not enough. Wants have been failing
me here and there, every now and then. I consequently tend to choose the
"safe" way, i.e. not wanting anything, at least not wanting anything
so bad that they are powerful enough to hurt me. A complete coward I’ve been, I
guess… Until last week, when I found that job ads in one of the distractions
during study time. I suddenly said to myself, "This is it." I’ve
found my passion again, though now at a greater level of cautiousness. Or can I
say a greater level of wisdom as part of being a grown-up? - the difference is unclear, if there is any…
The latter may somewhat be true. I really want the job and as far as I can think
of, I don’t see anything wrong with my wants neither with the job.
Unless…unless God has another plan for me, a better one. One thing that I’ve
been trying to tell myself to overcome my anxiety is that how He has taken care
of me until now.
WHAT?!?! Yepp, yepp, there’ll be 3 full-day classes on Saturdays and Sunday.
And then…I’m having the final exam on the next Saturday after the last class
which, "accidentally", will be the last Saturday before Semester 2
begins! Whoalla!! So basically I dunno what I’m going to do with the 3 weeks available
between last Friday and the first day of the winter semester. I am relieved
that the exams are all over. I know that my results this time will be
not-too-bad-but-not-that-good either. But I don’t really care about it - let’s
see what I’m gonna say on July 7 =p It’s over anyway, nothing I can do to
change that. But I do have something else in mind. And that has made me unable
to have a nice revenge-sleep for nights. I did wake up in the middle of my
sleeps or early, really early, in the morning, in addition to the hard time I
had to get myself asleep beforehand. Hey, relax…I’m not in huge debt. It’s
not because of a guy or the guy either - sorry to disappoint you guys, haven’t got any good news in that department =) Nor it
is because of the clothes and bags and shoes and everything that are on sale
right now (^^)
whole holiday-and-studying things. Where shud I apply to? Well, I know where I
wanna apply to…but will I get job that I want? Will I get the job that I like
the way I was enthusiastic about my old job in the last few months before I
left? And the scariest thing that have been keeping me awake is that my resume
will sink below the other applicants’ before I even have a chance to do the
test or interviews - that will be the most unfair thing I can think of at this
stage. You know those kinds of "what if" things that come one after
the other, rite? And that makes me feel that now is not really a holiday for
me.
just had their last semester here. They haven’t applied for any job yet and
they haven’t even thought much about it. I realize that some people are gifted
with the luxury of not having to think about job-hunting thing after their
graduation. That’s their business, I have nothing to do with that. Yet it is the luxury of being able to feel
satisfied and enjoying the doing-nothing-while-slowly-looking-for-a-job period
that I’m envy of those people. I can’t stand the thought of having nothing to
do. I just can’t. Especially when I really want the job like I feel right now.
- that was like…4 years ago or so. Afraid of not getting what I want to achieve.
Before, I used to believe that I can get anything, I can be anyone, if I want
it hard enough. I remember my dad used to say to me that I wanted to do so many
things at the same time that I became so busy, too… busy. And I more than
often tried to explain to him that those wants that would make a difference,
those wants that would translate into a success (at least success in achieving
what I wanna achieve, regardless people call it a success or not). Yet I’ve
been afraid to want something, to hope for something since I start to learn
through various occassion that wants are simply not enough. Wants have been failing
me here and there, every now and then. I consequently tend to choose the
"safe" way, i.e. not wanting anything, at least not wanting anything
so bad that they are powerful enough to hurt me. A complete coward I’ve been, I
guess… Until last week, when I found that job ads in one of the distractions
during study time. I suddenly said to myself, "This is it." I’ve
found my passion again, though now at a greater level of cautiousness. Or can I
say a greater level of wisdom as part of being a grown-up? - the difference is unclear, if there is any…
of, I don’t see anything wrong with my wants neither with the job.
Unless…unless God has another plan for me, a better one. One thing that I’ve
been trying to tell myself to overcome my anxiety is that how He has taken care
of me until now.
