Within 32 hours
Thank you for those who prayed for me re that exam. Yea, I did ask few friends to pray for me. I know my mom and my sis must have done that without being asked.
How did it go? Hmmm… It didn’t went well. I think it turned out the way that I’d been afraid of. You know that kind of feeling? When you are not sure about a thing from the very beginning and somehow you feel it’s not going right and won’t be? And as you’re getting more absorbed by your doubt, you’re losing your energy, your self-determination, your hope, your everything? Well, hope you understand what I’m talking about as I’ve been losing my words since last night, when I was thinking to write some.
Could have been better, for sure. It’s an open-book exam. And the questions were not that "killing" kind. They, in fact, are more generous this time as within 2 hours, we were given 15 multiple choice questions and 3 multi-parts essay questions. Last year, there were 5 multi-parts essay questions within the same duration. I can’t imagine how I would have ended up if that had been the case this semester. Some students left earlier, more than half an hour earlier, I guess…I didn’t really notice them until my friends told me that after the exam finished. I asked one of the "early leavers" whether they did leave earlier, and he said, "Yes, it was easy." O MI GOD… ck ck ck…
Then what happened with me yesterday? I dunno what I was thinking. I didn’t really panic. But I didn’t really know what I was doing either. It’s like I knew that I was wrong, or I knew that I was doing it wrongly, but I had no energy to stop it from happening. It really was a stupid thing. In the last minutes, I still got about 3-4 multiple choice questions left. And you know what did I do? I answered them seriously blindly. I said "seriously blindly" because… I was supposed to circle any A, B, C, or D following my first instinct, rite? That’s the most sensible thing to do in your last minutes. But you know what I did? Suppose I felt that the answer is most likely the "C", I circled the "A" for I dunno why. And for some of those last-minute questions, I didn’t even remember what my answers were. AYNA!!! What are you doing?!?!
Now you know why I kept asking myself why, no matter how often I’ve been telling myself that I can do nothing to change that. Yea, like I said to my friend in sms…I kept telling myself that nothing I could do to change that, it’s only a small tiny dot in my life that I wouldn’t even remember say, in 5 years or 2 years, etc. etc. And he said, "Udah ga usah dipikirin, mendink mikir buat ke depannya seh.", "Tats life, at least u tried ur best. Dun worry next time will be better." He he…that’s the thing, my friend, I didn’t give my best shot for I dunno why (I think I’ve spent too much energy on something that I should have ignored since the start of the semester); and there won’t be any next time for this subject, unless I fail it, which I don’t expect. Well…To me, it’s always not a matter of results. Any results will do as long as I know I’ve done the best I could.
Anyway…that’s that…
You know what happened at the foodcourt where I work this morning? I guess being scolded was the last thing I needed after what I’d been through yesterday. Yup, Antoinette, out of the blue, told us (there were 2 of us, me and a new girl) that today would be the last time. "If you don’t do the fridge properly today, then both of you will go at 1.30 and I’ll do the fridge by myself." She said that yesterday she had found that the drinks had been lined up in a mess. Hellowww?!?! I don’t work on Friday and I wasn’t there either yesterday…I was having another battle at the other part of Melbourne at that time, which apparently not the battle against the softdrink bottles collapsing everytime I try to rearrange. Later, I found that the drinks were really messy. No wonder Antoinette was really pissed off. So who is the bloody person did the drinks on Friday and Monday???
