To my sister and my bestfriend…
This time (Thursday) last week…I was unusually missing my sis (I only told a friend of mine here about this). I asked myself why that night. Then I think it’s partly because I was simply being mellow. Some parts were because I’d just submitted the Strategic Management assignment -if it wasn’t because of her and my friend who had accompanied me while I was working on that bloody assignment in the last minutes, I must have panicked even more. And another part, it’s because I, again, realised that I had been away from her for years. Until now, much of the talk has been through phonecalls or emails or sms.
She started working in Jakarta when I was still in high school and uni. Then when I finished my undergrad, I thought we’d be working in Jakarta together. So it should be fun. It WAS fun during my first months in Jakarta as she was still there and we went out almost every day. Yet later I found myself alone there as my sis went to Melb for her masters. So I thought we’re gonna be together again in 2 years, that would be when she finished studying and came back for good. Yet the future has unfolded another story. I was scheduled to be here in less than a month after she touched down Indo.
That was then…
Today…I am terribly sorry for her, and also for Widya and Pai. The kost where they stay was destroyed by fire last night. Nothing left. I’ve been asking God why since last night. Call me selfish, call me cold-hearted as I’m not able to cry for the suffering of others when I don’t know the persons. I know there are people out there who suffer even more, but I don’t know them personally. My feeling for those people only as far as a sympathy. Nothing more. But whom I’m talking about here are my one and only sis and my bestfriend (whom, to you, are people you don’t know personally either). Suddenly the whole thoughts about suffering become totally different. It becomes unfair when the bad things happen to my dearest ones. They are people I know close enough that bad things should not happen to them. I’ve been asking God for forgiveness as I am more into asking Him why He has allowed this to touch their lives, than thanking Him for He has not let the fire to touch their bodies. I know He must have a reason for this. I do believe in that. But I cannot imagine them having to loose most of their valuable belongings in minutes or hours. I would be devastated if I were them -suddenly I didn’t have clothes to change, softlenses to keep my vision clear, things I intended to keep as souvenirs, etc. etc. There are things you can buy as long as you have some money in your pocket, but there are also many things you cannot and they’re gone when they are. This is just beyond my understanding.
And this afternoon, my sis sent me an sms asking what my minus was. She said that she’s buying softlenses (because hers were gone) and got a free pack of colour softlenses, and she’s gonna give them to me. When I read her sms I instantly said to myself, "What on earth is she talking about? Last night she lost most of her belongings and now she’s talking about colour softlenses like she’s in a frenzy of a shopping spree? And now she’s talking about giving something to me as if she had never lost anything?" I know it’s a free package anyway, but still… This is just too much to understand.
April 25th, 2006 at 8:02 pm
hi sis, i really miss u too. hope after you finish your study in Dec, we can spend more time together. things can be bought but time spent together is for eternity.
when the fire burnt my room and all my stuff, material things suddenly felt very trivial. God allows us to have things but all can be taken away from you in a matter of seconds. Friendship and relationship with God and people are far more important.
During those two days after, i felt that i am really blessed to have friends and family being there for me. and that i can still stand on my two feet to get through and start over.
i guess one of the reasons God let this happen is for me to value life, to live each day to the fullest, to do the best i can in everything i do so that there will be no regrets. lately i felt like i have lost my objectives in life. no more drive and motivation. i spent each day just counting hours from the moment i wake up until i went to sleep. now, i promise myself to be a better person and not to postpone anything i can do today. i am thankful that i am given the opportunity to have a brand new start. God does not allow us to suffer more than we can bear. this is just a small lesson to learn.
luv,
your dearest sister