A Getaway

The weather was pleasantly nice yesterday, the warmth and breeze was just…
right -hmmm…I wonder…may be the idea that invented the ‘Summer Breeze’ in
"our coktails list" (sounds pathetic, isn’t it?) struck on one of
those days. And for the first time after a while, I didn’t feel lazy to go to
work (it doesn’t mean I was that eager as one might think, tho). It must have
been because of the 2-hour nap I had after the Marketing Management class. Plus
a few drops of spirit that came from a day ‘off’ on the previous night
(Monday).

Yea, on Monday evening, my boss called me off (again!!) as I was walking
through the Bali Memorial from which one could see the resto standing right at
the other end. I think it’s been a penchant for calling off staffs less than an
hour before his/her shift starts. She said it wasn’t gonna be busy that night
so they didn’t need so many staffs. It wasn’t pissed me off like it usually does.
In fact, I was so glad to hear that since I really didn’t wanna work that
day (what a familiar line?! :o). So I had a stroll to the city while thinking
excitedly what I was gonna do when I got home. "I can do so many things
tonight, I can go to Hoyts, or I can watch TV, or I can…" The list was
getting longer. I decided to have a great leisure time at home (actually the
word ‘leisure’ is seemingly inappropriate as I’m still in the middle of the 3-month
break, but it’s justified in this case). And you know what? It took only about
an hour since I got home that I saw a missed call on my 8250. It’s from my
boss. I didn’t call her back. And yesterday, I heard from my friend that it had
turned out to be a very busy night. All tables were taken. And there were only
2 waiters plus 2 bosses who were ready to ’serve’. Even the barman was off as
he got a stomach ache. Hmmm…that’s why she gave me another call that night,
to ask me to come back doing my shift. I had the last laugh. So immature.

Back to the ‘nice day’ I was talking about at the beginning, one of the meanie
in the kitchen started a conversation last night. She seldom talks to us,
except for when she’s grumbling. The door was open so that the nice breezy air
can reinvigorate the dark aura inside the resto =) She looked outside from the
kitchen, and then she said to me in her Thai English, "Very nice outside.
The wind nice, here is hot. But you cannot go out, everyday work here, work day
to night. No time." "Yes, that’s true…very true…(as if there were
some degrees of truth)" I couldn’t agree more. I said to myself, "Finally,
somebody is making sense here; somebody is being sane and have the guts to
admit that she’s not enjoying the life she’s in. And it’s coming from someone
in the kitchen, the very basic ingredient of the good food that’s once listed
in the Good Food Guide 2000-something (I never remember which year my boss
always proclaims; I just hear and never listen to). It’s obviously not ‘the
passion for serving good food’ that my boss was talking about, again and again,
at The Conservatory. It must be the passion for money, instead. He needs to
convince himself that he repeated the line hundreds of times."

Yea, I’m gonna quit. I haven’t decided the date, but it’s soon enough. Too much
intrigue inside. Like what happened last night. It wasn’t a busy night, we only
got few tables filled. I never stopped working, even for a chat, as I didn’t
feel like much talking that night. Yet I knew some of my tables gave me some tips
(I didn’t know about the other tables but not many tables were occupied, for
sure), which straightly went into the tip jar. It was only 9.20pm and I still
got some customers. But then, suddenly I was allowed to sign off earlier. Do
you know what it means? When you’re sent home early, it means that you won’t
get the tip for that day as it’d be considered too short a shift to justify you
that amount of money. It’s just the same as the ‘punishment’ you’ll get when
you work for the whole shift, but none of your tables give you tips or at least
there’s one customer complains about you.

Hhhhh…isn’t that life complicated? Some people even play politics in this waiters’
world. And most of them are only born in 1985!! I couldn’t imagine this kind of
things when I was at their age. I even couldn’t believe when my honest answers
could be used against me. And this occurred in my first months working at the
bank.

So…Morale of the story…be nice to everyone, but trust noone (borrowing the words from my former Taiwanese neighbour at Swanston) =)

It was extremely irritating… yesterday afternoon that is…

I planned to go to the 6pm service. I left my place around 3pm as I needed to buy another memory card for my Canon and I thought it could take a while since I didn’t know where to buy. I’m going to Tasmania so I thought I would need some reserves (many people say that the views in Tasmania are quite breathtaking, so I don’t wanna miss it ^^). There I was…in and out camera stores along Elizabeth St. and one on Lonsdale St. It was such a bizarre giggling run… I’d never done it before on my own. Everytime I was gonna buy myself some hi-tech stuffs, I must have been accompanied with someone, well, anyone who knew what he’s looking for (not what I was looking for ;p). So what I had to do was just to pick one, simply based on whether I liked or disliked the features and whether I reckoned the price was reasonable or not. Anyway…long story becomes short…I bought the 512MB one.

As I still got time, plenty of time, actually…before the service, I walked in and out accessories and clothes stores in Melbourne Central. There I found the hassle. From the first store I entered, which is Billabong, the alarm always beeped. It’s not quite a trouble if it beeps when we enter a store, rite? But you know how suddenly all the people will stare at you, and how the moment becomes silent if it beeps as you walk out of the store. It kept going on and on….in every store I visited. Strangely enough, when I had told the shopkeeper about this before I left a store, so that she wouldn’t look at me like I was a stealer, the alarm kept silent as I walked through. Urghhhhh…this gotta be kidding me. A shopkeeper at Witchery even stopped me and asked me to open the Bardot’s shopping bag I was carrying, that means I had to tear the sealing sticker. Damn….She was there when I got in and turned the alarm on, but she didn’t ask me anything. She just had a quick look on me. And you know what? I told her that it might come from the memory card I’d just bought, yea…may be it has some magnet or something that triggers the alarm. So she tried to swing it around the alarm and whallaaaa…the alarm kept quiet again. In total, I may have entered around 6 stores there…so the alarm must have rung around…12 times!!! I finally gave up. I still got more than 1 hour to go, but I stopped the ‘desperately-wanna-be-famous-walk’ (yea, Phina told me to look at the bright side, that is, I became famous that afternoon as everyone kept an eye on me wherever I went ;p Always think positively, mate!!) and started to ponder…is this kinda way to keep me away from shops and shopping? hehehehehe… Hm, nice try!!

I watched a bit of the "Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure" this afternoon. The movie was…okay… ermmm…quite amusing, perhaps, considering Keanu’s geeky acting =) But what I found interesting from the show is that we, who live in the later generations, can see what’s going on in the earlier times -the people and their ‘fashion’ and their day-to-day activities, the houses and neighborhood, the technology, culture and art, etc. And there’s no way we can be as knowledgeable about the lives in the future. However, we, in fact, are only able to do or make things which can significantly affect or change the future, and not the past of which we have the access to ‘all’ information. Isn’t that weird??? =)

- Silverchair

Millionaire say
Got a big shot deal
And thrown it all away but
But I’m not too sure
How I’m supposed to feel
Or what I’m supposed to say

But I’m not, not sure,
Not too sure how it feels
To handle every day
And I miss you love

Make room for the prey
’cause I’m coming in
With what I wanna say but
It’s gonna hurt
And I love the pain
A breeding ground for hate but…

I’m not, not sure,
Not too sure how it feels
To handle everyday
Like the one that just past
In the crowds of all the people

Remember today
I’ve no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss use love

I love the way you love
But I hate the way
I’m supposed to love you back

It’s just a fad
Part of the teenage angst brigade and
I’m not, not sure,
Not too sure how it feels
To handle everyday
Like the one that just past
In the crowds of all the people

Remember today
I’ve no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss use love

Remember two days
I’ve no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss use love

I love the way you love
But I hate the way
I’m supposed to love you back

(taken from http://www.lyricsfreak.com/s/silverchair/124557.html)

Remember the list? Well… No. 3 checked. No. 5 crossed out.

Couldn’t wait for another day, I had an early escapade of having a Baretto’s latte an hour before the ‘meeting’. As I was walking away from the AGB, I recalled the times when I warmed up myself by holding a cup of coffee tightly before a class during winter last year. And as I sipped the coffee slowly, the aroma and the taste brought back the memory of having it (so much that I didn’t really care whether it’s a good one or not) just to keep me awake and geared up for any readings or lectures. A regular macchiato couldn’t help me through the Financial Statement Analysis class, though ;p I’ll soon be in those environment again, I thought -yea, yea, I’ve lost half of the holiday :(. Then I asked myself, is that the one I’m actually looking forward to when I said that I was excited to start a new semester? hmmm… same thing with the idea of "I miss … (someone/something)".

When we say that we miss someone/something, "I miss Indo" for example, do we really miss that person/thing? Ermmm…I don’t think so. May be the correct sentence should sound like this, "I miss my family and friends in Indo". But then again, does it become justifiable? Again I must say, I don’t think so. Because it’s supposed to be, " I miss being the person I was, and being with my family and friends as they were, and doing things as we did on one of those old days". Everything changes -the place, the people (even if some people may not change for a relatively short period of time, I know I’m a different person now). So my point is that when we say that we miss someone/something, we, in fact, are missing what belongs to the past. You don’t know how tomorrows are gonna be unfolded. So things may turn out against what you’ve been missing.

My sis was ill early this year. So she already got her (sick) leave that her workload won’t allow her any more off during these months, when I’m still having my holiday. Meaning…she’s not coming here. So I thought I’ll have to wait for another 6 months. But the wed has been postponed. Meaning…it’s gonna run the way it’s said in the first place, 2 years away permitting no interlude.

When I was about to leave Indo, I thought I was gonna wait for only couple months. So I thought that March’s gonna be my first pit stop. Then it became April or May -I was even willing to sacrifice my last school days before exam. Then July turned out to be impossible, as well as the next 3 months. Then this 3-month holiday I have, or at least next July. Yet suddenly, I’m back to square one. I think I’m gonna stop waiting now, waiting for anything or anyone to come here for waiting has failed me. Or should I be thankful as waiting has survived me this far by boosting me to keep moving?

O well…Get some sleep, Ayna… ^^

I’m so content…having vacuumed my studio and cleaned up the bathroom and washed my clothes and tidied up some stuffs…taken a longgg shower and had my lunner (lunch+dinner ;p)…nothing excites me more than a clean and tidy place now. It feels so relieving…feels so right… The friend would said that I’d been so domesticated =)

too bad…it’s time to go to work…yea, like a pin bursts the bubble!!!

1. the day when I get my first-2-week salary, which happens to be not as soon as we left 31st Dec 2005 behind, as promised earlier!!!
2. watching the ‘Memoirs of a Geisha’…
3. having a cup of coffee at Baretto…or at the Stokes???
4. my hair getting longer..he he..my hair has always been short since January 2002, so I think it’d be fun to try different things with my longer hair…
5. my sis coming here…my bros coming here…my koko coming here… -if this ever happens. have no idea when, tho…
6. starting a new semester. ermmm…r u sure??? definitely sure??? (with a british accent ;p) I was so excited when I was choosing some new Bantex at the Melb Uni Bookshop yesterday. I’m excited to see the booklist for a new semester, I’ve always been… It feels so right to start everything all over again. Though I know that I will soon find all the lectures very burdensome, like when I sat in the Marketing Management class yesterday. Talking about that class, well, I’m not actually enrolled in that subject, so it’s supposed to be fun!! That’s the whole point of sitting in, rite? But I was spontaneously feel the urge to gather myself for a 3-hour session, despite the unsuccessful coffee hunt in the morning after an inadequate 4 hours of sleeping (thanks to Paris Hilton and her House of Wax thing!! ;p).  Trust me it was quite miserable. Then I suddenly thought, "Hey, what am I doing here?" And at the same time I said to myself, "Excited for a new semester, huh? Yea, rite!!" hahahahaha…
7. going to a beach, again…
8. moving into a new apartment, which will never be happen as I’m too lazy to look for one and to deal with moving stuffs, including all the electricity, telephone, etc. account, again.
9. travelling to Tasmania? Yea, I’m going there this late Jan.
10. my birthday??? I guess I’m too scared to face it.

I feel so tired and weary. I’m not sure whether there is a single word to describe what I’m feeling. Tenuous? Ermmm..may be…

I watched ‘The Chronicles of Narnia’ this afternoon. It’s another good movie for this week, I reckon, considering that last week I was content with ‘Just Like Heaven’ =). The setting is unusual and I was surprised that it reminded me of Jesus Christ. I had had no idea what Narnia was all about before I watched it. I just saw the trailer once when I was about to watch Harry Potter. And the rest was clearly following the crowd. The fact that I had to work burst the buble, though, soon after the show was over.

Yea, I started working at 7pm and yes, it was another busy nite. I don’t know what’s wrong with tonight, though. I had a much busier nite before. My boss was even ‘nicer’ than last time. But I don’t think I can put up any longer than a couple of months. I’ve been thinking of quitting my job and enjoying my days here. I’m not sure when but the urge is getting stronger, especially after tonight. I was totally upset about the customers at one table (there were 8 of them) who kept on complaining that their food was cold. Hey, it was straight from the wok!! It’s hard to believe that Melbourne’s wind could possibly cut the temperature down that fast, faster than my footsteps from the kitchen to their table, which is only about 8 metres. And hallo….I’d been running back and forth since I started my shift. Well, I can’t actually blame the ‘king’, of course… So, the choice is mine now. If I don’t feel like doing it anymore, then why should I stay, rite? It’s that simple.

I admit that sometimes I’m irritated by some of the customers who look down on us, the waiters/waitresses. But I’m more pissed off by the obligation to act like someone that I don’t and to repeat the same things every day. When I was still on training, I remember some people were doubt that I could survive juggling studying and working. I was questioning myself too, honestly speaking. But look, I’ve gone this far and learned so much about myself, people, and life -more than just how to fold the serviettes and pour different beers ;p I’m just worried that I’m already used to be occupied with many things. In fact, I could appreaciate more my studying time after I had started working (true that we tend to appreciate things after they’re gone). And it took all the sweats and not only me broken to move on and stand up like today.

Oh well…I’m gonna get some sleep now. At least now I’ve decided to quit and I can quit earlier if I need to stay until late again -a guy tried to ‘make friends’ when I was catching for the second-last tram tonight.

-thanks to Phina for copying me 20 great songs today!! some of them indeed remind me of my ex-es and dearests =) It goes from the Dawson’s Creek OST, Meteor Garden OST, till the Miss You Love-