A Getaway

-already been corrected for the double ‘f’ in McAffee, it seems that when you try to avoid something from happening, you end up overdoing it. thanks to my friend for the correction =)and… a ‘tribute’ to him who’s also sent me another link to get a new antivirus. it works!! my laptop hasn’t been fully recovered yet, but the McAfee is awake now =p. never thought there’re lots of viruses and trojans and friends-

There’s something wrong with my laptop…ermmm…or is it rom the ISP? Nop, I believe it’s rom my laptop. When I irst use it in Jan, I ound out that I couldn’t use Ctrl+C, Ctrl+X, and Ctrl+V to manage my iles and olders. By mid of this year, everytime I orget to exert an extra ‘power’ when hitting the C, my words start losing the letter. And today…approaching the end of 2005, I’m losing the F letter. Don’t tell me that I’m losing my pics too….

You know it very well that when a computer hibernates, it may require you to input a password beore resuming what you’ve left. But with my laptop…which is so brainy…whatever password I input, it happens to be a wrong one and it acts so ‘helpfully’ by asking "Did you forget your password?" plus giving a hint. I even tried to remove my password to avoid this rom happening again as I oten lost my internet connection because of this. But this brainy laptop didn’t wanna cooperate, it kept asking me the same question…"Did you forget your password?" Hey, I didn’t even give you any password!!

With the internet thing…I need to click a button hundreds of times just to execute an action.o  Everything runs very slowly….urgggggghhhhhh… That’s why I’ve been ending up disconnecting my laptop rom iPrimus just few minutes ater I get connected. It is very annoying to sit in ront o my computer waiting for something changing rom the second I click my mouse.

You see there’s many ‘f’ missing in this post. I didn’t do it intentionally, it’s just happening and I’m too upset to go back to a particular word to revise it =)

And not to mention the virus and trojan attacks!! The McAfee (I make sure the ‘f’s appear here as it will make no meaning without thw two ‘f’s) has been so ‘responsible’ pointing out that there’re viruses in my laptop when I turn it on. But it’s unable to function the way it should be. Nothing happens when I click the McAfee icon. And I can’t even remove it rom my laptop. The last time I tried to remove it, my laptop was like in a coma (not sure whether it could still ‘hear’ me, though).

Whuaaaaa….help me… Is my laptop really annoying or it’s just me who’s being ‘gaptek’???

therI was sooooo lazy to go to work last night. I wasn’t feeling well and the weather was surely unkind -it’s very hot but windy and showery. But I have to, I have no choice. And you know what happened??? At the end of my shift, a customer from my row paid the bill of him and his family (there’re 10 people) and gave us AUD 75 tip, o well, less 10 cents, actually. The tip didn’t go to my pocket straight away, obviously…it will be distributed. But it’s a very nice of him…My boss said, may be it’s for Christmas. Yea, a lovely Christmas pressie…

It’s Christmas Eve tonight…Me and my friends are gonna have a supper together after the Christmas Eve’s service. I did a last minute shopping just now. So, we’re gonna have a little treat tonight!! =) Apparently I’ll have to attend a mass at the Cathedral as there’s no service at the church that I usually attend.

Have a meaningful Christmas this year, guys…Though you gotta have a merry ‘little’ Christmas by yourself, be grateful that you have a Christmas in your heart =)

I just got a call from my eldest bro. From the way he talked, which was very carefully, I felt like he was about to give me some bad news. So the first few minutes was totally stressful!! Later, I felt so relieved…somehow I thought he’s just checking on me, may be because of my mom told him something about me. He’s so kind and caring…a ‘big’ brother who’s become like a second dad to me.

I checked my mails after I hung up my Nokia. And there I found an email from a friend from high school, one of my best buddies in fact. He just read my blog. His mail was quite short and what he wrote seemed like a typical mail from an old friend, but somehow I could feel he hadn’t just typed in the mail with fingers (with a pen or some toes as well, perhaps? hahahahaha). Indeed, it’s a typical old-friend mail, succinct yet he grasp what I’m feeling. It’s a very sweet of him… Love ya too ;p

"Selamat hari ibu…di tingkat nasional…Hehe.."
That’s a part of my sms to my mom yesterday as we also have an international Mother’s
Day. Ermmm…do we have our own Father’s Day in Indonesia??? Anyway… some thoughts
to ponder…it is not easy to be a mom. I think the more we grow up, the
more we love our parents since we start to understand how substantial the
responsibility and sacrifice they must bear for us to be good persons.

Talking about being a mom…a mom like mine…the process takes much more than
just occasionally dry and rough hand, some overcooked meals, or discolored
laundry, I believe =) For a little child, a mom must be his/her world, his/her
everything. For a teenager, a mom must be his/her friend with the same age. And
even for a grown-up, a mom must still be his/her counselor. No matter how
mature and independent you think you are, she will always be the first person
who’s worried so much when you are sick.

And talking about discolored-laundry experience…I got one yesterday.
Ughhhhh…so nyebelin. I soaked a tank top, a tee, a shirt -all in pink, and a purple
sleeveless tee together with a black cardigan. I’ve worn that cardigan for long
that I didn’t think it would cause any problem anymore. Hey btw, I reckon
laundry is similar with baking a cake in a sense that I’m always eager to see
how ‘the output’ is gonna be. And…Surprise! Surprise!! Yea, rite…I could only
save the sleeveless tee!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr… I remember my
mom teaching me to wash dark-colour clothes separately. I remember my mom
teaching me to let all the clothes wet evenly before pouring the detergent to
prevent it from leaving any stain on the clothes. I remember my sis telling me
to read and follow the ‘care instructions’ tag inside the clothes. I remembered
all those things clearly when I was about to do the laundry, but I didn’t
follow any. So naughty!!! The choices now are obvious, I suppose: (1) to scrap
them, (2) to be creative enough to conceal the spot so that I can still wear
them, or (3) to be brave enough to wear with a positive thought in mind that it
may become the new fad for 2006!!! Hahahahaha… Well for me, I think I’m gonna
choose no (2), those are my fave clothes and one is even still brand new But
come to think of it… no (3) is also not too bad… ;p

I miss my mom. I’m honestly grateful to be her daughter.

For those who are not in any holiday mode (read: stressed out), you better check this out!! Extremely hilarious!!! (you must understand if you ever watched a pirated DVD using a hi-tech DVD player)

http://www.Break.com/articles/killbilldvd.html

begetakk..begetakk..begetakk..begetakk.. =p

SEMUA TENTANG KITA - PETERPAN

Waktu terasa semakin berlalu
Tinggalkan cerita tentang kita
Akan tiada lagi kini tawamu
Tuk hapuskan semua sepi di hati

Ada cerita tentang aku dan dia
Dan kita bersama saat dulu kala
Ada cerita tentang masa yang indah
Saat kita berduka saat kita tertawa

Teringat disaat kita tertawa bersama
Ceritakan semua tentang kita

Ada cerita tentang aku dan dia
Dan kita bersama saat dulu kala
Ada cerita tentang masa yang indah
Saat kita berduka saat kita tertawa

(taken from www.iloveblue.com/lirik/lyric_artist_indonesia_barat_bali_song/3298.htm)

Have you ever wanted to talk to someone(s) so… bad but dunno how to reach him/her as he/she’s so ‘far’ away? Well, I know exactly how terrible it is. I ended up feeling uncomfortably bloated as I’d kept on chewing something, anything handy actually, to fill in the hole. I think meals are not only for loading up an empty stomach, but also for filling up the emptiness in some way or the other.

Last night when I was about to sleep, I tried to figure out how many days have lapse since I had my last exam. I’ve been thinking about it for few days, actually, partly because of the talk I had with my mom and my k. They, and my sis (in her mails), had kept on asking me what I’d been doing during my holiday. Pretty much nothing. Really nothing, in fact. I’ve kept myself busy everyday to keep me alive, and because I’ve chosen to -I’ve decided to move on when I said that I wanted to be happy on my own. I’ve been conditioned not to look back. And since that moment, I’ve been perceiving things differently…I’ve been living my days as if it were my last day. But may be I’ve tried it so hard that my daily routines become so mundane -staying up late, getting up late, doing this and that until it’s time to work- that my shift is the only thing that I ‘look forward to’ but also that has restricted me from doing what I wanna do. Christmas is coming, I’ve seen so many customers celebrating the event since really early Dec with pressie and extravagant dinner, but I feel entrapped in my own cycle. I used to be quite active in church when I was still in high school and undergrad. A month or two months before Christmas always excited me, especially the choir practice. Yet now, I’m not sure whether this Christmas is gonna be merry or not. I somehow cannot be selfpitying anymore, but when I have a fleeting break from the sprint, I sense there’s incompleteness.

When I was still living in my parents’, as far as I can remember, I never felt lacking of something. I never spent my time like dwelling upon something that I didn’t even know. I got lots of love and comfort that sometimes I fed up with the abundance. Everything was so predictable (’low risk’ is the term I find very often these days ;p). All I had to do was to think about my study. I was secure. I knew nothing about uneasiness. May be I was really fulfilled that time. Or may be I just never had a chance (or was too naive) to think about life. I thought all the miseries would vanish as I graduated from uni - the way I think of marriage now. So silly…so fairy-tally… =) Oh well, for the moment, I couldn’t agree more that no man is an island, and what I’ve gone through so far reveals that men are meant to be couple. The question is…am I ready?

-rambling in the middle of the night with some jazzy christmas tunes which are extremely remarkable -

bought on one Sunday afternoon (Dec 4, 2005) - started on Sunday night and the following nights (after work) to beat the before-results-announcement insomnia - finished on Wednesday morning (Dec 7, 2005) - shot (by request) on Dec 21, 2005

the box…..

the puzzle…..

I was about to post a line or two yesterday when suddenly I realized that I had to go to ‘work’. I had an ‘early’ schedule yesterday for a really ‘BIG’ and ‘important’ job. O well, that how she sounded. So…important that it was called off right when I was few meters away from the place where we’re supposed to meet, which happens to be the resto I work for, simply because of lack of communication between the couple. Yea, shits happen, especially when dealing with your boss who’s always RIGHT.

Anyway, Christmas is around the corner. That was the first thing came into my mind when I got up yesterday. It doesn’t feel like Christmas here, though… Is it because I’m too busy working??? But what am I gonna do then if I don’t work? Hhhhh…I just had a thought about what I was doing this time last year -trying to meet everyone dear before leaving- and what I will be doing this time next year -looking for a job, perhaps??? "Time flies…" that’s the line introduced when I met him for the last time last year, that’s the line I’ve felt so true eversince…

Nothing special today, but I’m so… glad that I don’t have to work tonight considering that I’ve worked for the past 3 nights and there’re 3 more nights to go this week!! Dunno why sometimes I’m bored with  the have-to-smile-all-the-time thing. Not like when I was working in Jakarta, though I had it for more than 2.5 years.

I started my day today with an sms from Jakarta. An sms from him early in the morning has always had the power to wake me up more than a cup of morning coffee. Even until now, when I take his words much more easily. Anyway…

Later, I had a quick visit to Melb U, which I like doing during holidays bcoz I think it can perfectly displays its ‘pride and beauty’  when it comes without any burden of classes to attend or exams to sit in. Sometimes I imagine how I will feel as I visit my campus few years later, I must reminisce about what I’m doing today, where everything started (i.e. the International Students office), what I had for lunch on a particular day in my last semester, where I usually sat in Bailieu, or even simply about the only ‘pohon rambutan’ we had in Melbourne! =) Well, as somehow I feel that I may not have that chance to re-visit my uni, I think pretending to be in that visit doesn’t harm me.

Then I met my friends. We walked around Bourke St. and Elizabeth St. without any destination before we eventually ended up in Lygon St., inspecting one of student accomodations there, which was the reason I left  my place this afternoon in the first place. The place was okay, not too bad, though not the one I’d strive for. Afterall, it costs me too much. And I think, at the moment, I’m not gonna trade my current place, which I’ve been trying to settle into (but not ‘too’ settle either, as life’s thought me that everything lasts only as long as they’re pleased to), with another place that’s unfamiliar, especially when taking into account my stuffs, which are a lot(!!) and heavy =). I was clearly reminded of this yesterday, when I helped my friend moving. The idea of staying in a better place before I leave Melb and the excitement of moving into a new place keep on teasing me, though. But, I don’t feel like starting all over again. I think I had enough. All I’m looking for is to feel safe.  Well, I think I’m not ready to be a grown-up in this case. I’m so used to a life where everyone (even my bestfriends) tries to protect me, though sometimes I find it extremely annoying.

Shortly, I watched ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ on the TV ’till I slept. It was a hot day that I felt so sleepy after I had a big plate of Pad Thai and had a stroll around the Fed Square and around my place.  Had a chat with my sis’ friend on the phone later, and with my friends on ym the next hours.

I feel so alone these days, but somehow I have the courage to enjoy it in a way that I don’t understand. I’ve never felt like this before. Perhaps someone(s) has been praying for me for this ‘hapiness’, like my friend said, that everyday there’s someone praying for you, you may just not know it. Well, I know for sure my mom and dad continuously pray for us.

I so wanna feel comfy with my life here, but I’m too scared to feel that as I know everything changes and life may dissapoint you, and it will cause much pain when I don’t acknowledge that fact.

And the story ends with a phonecall from a friend I thought I’ve lost. I’m so happy to have a talk again with him after a while. And I’m even happier knowing he did very well last semester.

Afterall, today is not ‘not special’ as I thought before. I thought what I had had today was like any other normal days. But when I was writing the details of it…hey, that’s not true… In fact, today has started and ended nicely, despite the bumpy feeling I had throughout the day.

P.S. Btw, I think Corona is still much better than any Oz beers. One more thing, I started to read before sleeping. ‘Geisha, A Life’ is my first book. Though I’m not able to do the speed-reading (well, I’m trying), I quite enjoy it and I hope I can finish it before the movie is on. Can’t wait to watch that movie!!!